1. Oh god, it feels like I ate glass and am now shitting out shards!
2. WTF is that, is that corn, I didn’t have corn!
3. I wonder if my penis is crooked because I’m left handed
4. Why is my cock orange?  Oh yeah, cheetos.
5. I should have never gotten my pubes straightened
6. I wonder if my dick is small or if I have huge balls
7. Boy.  Girl.  Boy.  Girl Tee Hee Hee.
8. I hope these bumps are ingrown hairs.
9. Fuck I’m out of lotion.  Hey you, out there, can you spit on my hand, my mouth is dry.
10. WHY IS MY MOM’S PHONE NUMBER ON THE WALL AND WHY IS SHE GIVING FREE BLOWJOBS!!!

Here are some A-hole responses to say the first time your girl says she loves you.

10. “Thank you.”
9. “We need to talk.”
8. “Long time? Sucky sucky 5 dolla.”
7. “That’s nice, now go get me a beer”
6. “I love … World of Warcraft, so …umm … I’m gonna go play now.”
5. “Yeah, you love this dick don’t you.”
4. “I have to go on a top secret spy mission so I may not see you for a while.”
3.”You’re just like your mom.”
2.  “I love your brother.”
1. “Anal?”

There was a robbery attempt at a Lane Bryant store leading to 5 women dead. One witness interviewed said the man jumped in and screamed “You bitches have bankrupted my tent making business” and then fired at the women using an elephant gun. The women tried to get away, but apparently tripped over their cankles.