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You are so gay…
20
Nov
Nov
Here are a couple of you are so gay jokes for use in battle.
You are so gay, when you fill out forms, and it asks for ethnicity, you put Faggot.
You are so gay, when they asked you for a sperm sample, you farted into a cup.
You are so gay, when you were born the doctor spanked you, so you sucked his dick.
You are so gay, your butt hole has it’s own butt hole.
You are so gay, you give monkeys aids.
You are so gay, when you have sex, the monkey asks to wear a condom.
You are so gay, anytime you walk down the street, its considered a gay pride parade.
You are so gay, you can only wear super pink, the gayest color in the universe.
You are so gay, that you are too gay to work at Abercrombie.
You are so gay, you have to brush your teeth with sperm remover.
You are so gay, you sneak your underage friends into gay bars by hiding them in your asshole.
You are so gay, you can’t even get married in Hawaii.
You are so gay, you can take so many dicks in your asshole at one time that you look like a peacock.
You are so gay, your tears are made of sperm.
You are so gay, your blood type is AIDS.
You are so gay, on your license under sex it says anal.
You delusional idiot…
19
Nov
Nov
On my way to work I saw this piece of shit car with a license plate that says “I’m not spoiled, just well taken care of.” I thought to myself “Are you fucking serious?” I only wish I could have followed them home to their mansion and view the rest of their classic cars.
I do not understand how you could put that license plate on this car. Even if you traveled back in time to when this car was new, this license plate would make you vomit at it’s stupidity. A car that is worth double it’s value when the gas tank is full should not have a license plate with the words “>Spoiled“or “Lucky“. You’re Lucky I didn’t have any Spoiled eggs to throw at you.
I would just like to ask the person driving a few questions. If you know who this is, please forward my questions.
- Do you live in a trailer park where having a car that you don’t live in is considered spoiled?
- Are you dyslexic and think that spoiled means to have a shitty 20 year old car?
- Did the salesperson tell you that Toyota Corolla was the Japanese Bentley?
God, please send this person a fucking dictionary or rip the wheels off this piece of shit and throw it in the ocean.
It’s all in the delivery. Should you Ninja or Samurai?
17
Nov
Nov
There are many ways to deliver a verbal karate chop. You can shout like a samurai as you deliver the blow. Or you can stealthily creep up on your victim and break his neck from the shadows like a ninja. I always prefer the ninja method, but it always depends on the situation.
Samurai Method
When you are with a bunch of your friends playing video games and an all out shit talking battle has begun you have to start hacking away like a samurai. You have to deliver each line like a fatality in Mortal Kombat. Shouting “OHH!!!” at the end of a line helps hype up a line. While you deliver a line, make sure to point in their face repeatedly and rhythmically with each syllable.
Example Battle
You “Your mom has been fucked in the ass so much she shits out of her vagina. OHHHH!!!!”
Them”Your mom is so fat she sells shade…” You interrupt them before they can finish then say “at the beach, that joke is older then the Abraham Lincoln cum stuck in the back of your moms gums” while pointing repeatedly at their face.
You: 2 Them: 0
You now have the upper hand. You know they are almost knocked out when they start delivering old jokes. Finish them and never let them forget that you owned them that day.
Ninja Method
The Ninja method is when you deliver a line out of nowhere and at awkward times so that it won’t be expected. This can be done when someone says something stupid or out of nowhere.
Example (Someone says something stupid)
Them “We went to the park and were feeding the gooses.”
You “Really, you were feeding the gooses, on the way back did you see any mooses, or any mouses, or any fishes, or any sheeps. Or hey, did you see a fucking book store. Cause you should have walked in and bought a book on how to speak english, idiot.”
Example (Out of nowhere)
You “Hey some guy stopped by for you.”
Them “Really, who was it?”
You “I’m not sure but he said he left his sperm in your asshole and he wanted it back.”
I use different versions of this one whenever I see my brother.
There are many ways to deliver a line. Make sure to understand the situation and choose which method would work best. When you are in battle, you have to make use of all tools that are available to you, but sometimes the funniest moments come when they are least expected.